Freddie’s Prayer
Freddie is seven years old. He told me that sometimes before going to bed, he prays that he will know what it is he should do to grow up to be a man. His friends tease him and call him faggot. They tell him he will be a homosexual because there is no man in the house to teach him. He lives in a house with his mother and three sisters.
Dear God,
How am I supposed to know how to become a man. My father has been taken to prison and he will not be home until I am seventeen. I’m not sure what he did, but it must have been bad for the judge to give him a ten year time-out.
My father and I used to play catch and ride our bikes together. He used to take me to his office with him and I got to type on his computer. One time we went to a football game together and the Raiders won. I remember the time my dad taught me how to bait a fish hook. Now all I can do is send him letters.
My mother is mad all the time. She hates to have to work but says that if she doesn’t we have to move into a hovel, whatever that is. Mom wanted to finish school but now she can’t. She comes home mad everyday and says dad messed up her life. She also says that she wants another baby but because dad is in prison she will not be able to.
The kids at school make fun of me and say I have a bad father. They pick fights with me and tease me about being a drug dealer or a boy hooker. They say I don’t have a man to teach me so I’m going to grow up and be a pussy.
I visit my father once a month and each time I go, my mother and I cry. It seems to get worse every time. I hurt for my father. I hurt for my mother. I hurt for me. How will I know what a man should do? How will I know when I’m a man? Who will teach me? What did I do to be the one picked to have my father on time-out for ten years?
